I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
