GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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