Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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