So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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