I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
