He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
