Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
