I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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