I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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