you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
