found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The adults are the big ones right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
