I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
