ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
