i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
