I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
