If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
