Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
