Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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