just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
