I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
