Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
