it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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