maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
