I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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