I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
