I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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