I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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