don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
