Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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