I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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