I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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