Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
