Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
