i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
