carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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