What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
