i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
