We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
