New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His nipple licking is glorious
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