my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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