it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
