i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
