i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
