Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
