I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
