Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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