your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
