i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
