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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
