Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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